


It wasn't supposed to happen like this (sister!winchester)

by Alison_Parker



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Other, Sister!winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-08-08 06:12:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7746199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alison_Parker/pseuds/Alison_Parker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and her brothers, Sam and Dean are out on a hunt. Sam and Dean are being their usual extra protective selves but Alex has had enough of them constantly watching over her shoulder. So she does what any other pissed off teenager would do, she rebels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also follow my Supernatural tumblr @waywardsuns :)

15 hours.  
Alex had been in the Impala for a straight 15 agonizing hours with her brothers and she was ready to kill them, or herself. As soon as they pulled into the diner parking lot, she opened her door and jumped onto the gravel before Dean could put it in park. She stared up at the blinking sign above her head, ‘Auntie Em’s Diner’.

“Someone’s antsy.” Sam commented when he got out and shut the door.  
She bit back a snarky, rude retort. Something that she had to do a lot when they were on the road for a long time. ‘Sam wasn’t trying to start something, he was just observing.’ She told herself. She nodded and smiled tightly before she followed Dean and Sam in. 

They seated themselves in a booth next to the window and Sam pulled out a folded newspaper.  
“Okay, so apparently 4 bodies, so far, have been found exsanguinated.” He talked low across the table to his brother and sister. “All of them teenage girls.”  
Dean glanced sideways at Alex unconsciously and then back at Sam. “Well it has to be a vamp nest, right?”  
Just at that moment a plump older lady came to their table. She set menus down in front of each of them and took out a notepad. “What can I get you guys?” She smiled.  
As usual Dean ordered a burger and fries and Sam ordered some kind of salad or something healthy on the menu. Alex didn’t feel too hungry so she just asked for a plate of fries.  
When the waitress left, Sam resumed the conversation. “You’d think so, but when have you ever known vampires for having specified targets?”  
Dean shook his head, “But what else could it be, Sammy? There’s not a lot of things that would suck a person dry.”  
Sam looked at Alex and shrugged, and she shrugged and nodded back, all mutually agreeing that that was the only logical thing to be going after these girls.  
At that moment something across the room caught her eye. A young guy, probably around the same age as Alex, was bent over a table a couple booths away, wiping it down. He looked up and smiled at another boy coming from her direction. This boy, who was dark haired slapped the blonde one (the one Alex had been ogling) on the back and they exchanged a few words. Alex took these moments to get a good look at him, as he now stood up straight to chat with his friend. He was good-looking, like extremely good-looking, and this coming from one of the pickiest girls on the planet, because when you live with boys 24/7 you tend to hate all boys. He was about as tall as Dean, which meant he was about 6’0. His blonde hair, wasn’t as blonde as she originally thought either. It was more of a gold color, and it was longer. Not nearly as long as Sam’s hair currently was, but not short as Dean’s. He pushed back his bangs impatiently as his friend talked and smiled at him when the other boy left. With the brunette no longer in front of him he caught Alex looking in his direction. His smile didn’t falter, but it seemed to grow a bit wider, and Alex returned it just before their waitress stepped in between their gaze and set their food down in front of her and her brothers.  
After the waitress left, Alex looked around for this cute blonde boy again but was met with the back of him, walking into the kitchen. Even with just his plain white t-shirt and his black jeans she could tell that he had a nice body, and her mind wandered to what he did to keep himself in shape. She imagined him as a quarterback, using his strong arms to throw the ball to his receivers, but then she looked down. And only one sport would give you an ass like that. Baseball. She made a contented little ‘Hm’ in the back of her throat.  
Sam craned his neck around and looked where Alex were looking. He looked back at her with an amused smirk, “You’re staring.” He pointed out.  
“Yes I am.” Alex raised an eyebrow, trying to get him to say more about it.  
Dean looked up too, with his mouth full and watched the boy's retreating figure. Then he looked at Alex, “No,” he said around the burger in his mouth. And then he took another bite.  
Alex fluttered her eyelashes innocently, “No what, Dean?” She scrunched her eyebrows together and cocked her head. This is something she frequently did, using the blonde hair she inherited from her mother to play the ‘dumb blonde’ trope. She did it so frequently that neither brother was fooled.  
Sam shook his head and chuckled. Dean cocked an eyebrow, “You know what I mean.” he growled.  
Alex breathed out loudly and rolled her eyes dramatically. She sulkily ate the rest of her fries. She knew Dean was just being the older brother, and being overprotective. As much as she loved her brothers, her nerves were wearing thin.  
They all strolled outside when they were done and got back into the Impala. Their bellies full, and they were itching to get to the motel to nap before the hunt that evening. With a huge rumble the Impala started, but Alex felt something was missing. She patted her back pockets and noticed her phone wasn’t there.  
Before Dean could put the car in gear she rested her hand on his shoulder. “Hold on, I left my phone in there.”  
The plan started to form in her mind before she closed the door. She jogged in and went straight back to the booth they were seated at. She grabbed a pen lying on the table and scribbled her number down on a clean napkin and put it where it was clearly visible. She hoped that since that cute boy had cleaned the other booth, he would also clean this one. And she hoped that he didn’t just throw the napkin in the trash.  
Alex grabbed her phone which had indeed slid out of her pocket into the seat and jogged back out to the car. She fought to keep the smile off of her face the whole ride to the motel. If her brothers saw it, they would know something was up.


	2. Chapter 2

When they got to the motel room. Sam offered her one of the beds and said he would sleep on the pull out couch. Alex started to feel guilty. She understood why her brothers were protective. They were hunters for God’s sake and she was the youngest; their baby sister and they wanted her to be kept safe. But she couldn’t stay innocent forever, and one way or another they needed to figure out that in a few months she was going to be eighteen. She wasn’t that young and naive fourteen year old who had just started hunting anymore.

She shook her head, “No, it’s fine. I got a bed in the last town we were in. Just give me one of your pillows.”

Sam tossed a pillow at her and she caught it easy. “Wake us up at dusk.” He referred to himself and Dean, who was already passed out snoring. Sam wasn’t too far behind.

Alex nodded and sat on the floor in front of the little coffee table with Sam’s computer. It was mutually decided that since she had slept most of the way here, that she would also research places where the vamps nest could be while Sam and Dean rested up.

 

At dusk, about 6 hours later she whacked her pillow over Sam and Deans heads. “Wake up.”

Sam rolled over and got up almost immediately, but Dean laid still on his stomach. She smacked the pillow again on his head a little harder than the time before.

“I’m up!” he yelled into his pillow and he rolled over and sat up. He rubbed his face with his hands and they both joined Sam on the small couch. They all squished together, with Alex in the middle.

 

“Okay, so I found this story about this old couple who had lived in this county for like, ever.” She started. She scrolled through the news page on the screen. “There was a fire in their house and it burnt completely to the ground with them in it. No one ever rebuilt the house and the city has left the land untouched; including their old barn. A huge thing about a mile away from the road and about 3 miles away from their nearest neighbor. It’s the only abandoned property that is big enough to hold their nest.”

“Sounds good,” Sam sounded a little surprised.

“Good job, Lex.” Dean smiled and stood up, and ruffled your hair a little bit. You grinned at the usage of an old pet name that your Dad used to use when he was really proud of you.

“Okay, I’ll get my stuff and then we can leave!” She was actually really excited about this hunt. She went to her bag by the door and started rifling around for her machete. She would be able to get all that pent up frustration at her brothers out by slicing up some vamps and taking down a nest together. She had almost forgotten all about the busboy and how she childishly left her number for him to get her brothers back for always telling her what to do.

“Wait a sec.”

“What?” She asked and turned around to face her brothers who were now both standing. Dean and Sam shared a look, and then looked at Alex. Oh no. She knew exactly what they were thinking.

“No. You guys can’t sit me out on this one! I’m better rested _and_ a better hunter than last time!”

Alex was reminded of a few months ago, the last time they had hunted vamps. She had been sick with the flu a couple days before the hunt but still insisted on her brothers bringing her along. A few missteps on Alex’s part and the vamp leader attacked and bit her. She was so bloodthirsty that she tried to attack her brothers before they downed her with some Dead Man’s blood and gave her the cure. Ever since then she had been trying to redeem herself by fighting harder and being more vicious on hunts. She vowed that another monster would never get the best of her again without her, of course, trying her best to get him first.

“We just can’t risk something happening to you again.” Sam explained.

She sighed. “Okay.”

“Now listen.. Wait what? Did you just say okay?” Dean was bewildered. He was definitely looking for a fight and was confused that Alex gave in so easily. It wasn’t a hard decision though. Sam and him were constantly looking out for her on hunts and making sure she was safe before keeping themselves safe. Though all of them were all trained by their father and all were more than capable hunters, neither of her brothers believed that their little sister could protect herself and most of the time got themselves hurt in the process of keeping her away from danger.

Sam frowned, a bit taken back by her giving in so easily. She was as stubborn as her brothers, which was very stubborn.

“I trust your judgement.” Alex explained. “If you think I can’t handle the vamps, then I’ll stay here.”

She could see the wheels turning in their heads as they processed what she said. They were at a loss for words. Ever the feminist, Alex had not once allowed her brothers to keep her out of a hunt or any important talks they had because they believed she couldn’t handle something. This was what got her into trouble with vamps the first time. But her mind wasn’t on trying to prove them wrong this time. It was on her phone, which had buzzed in her pocket. Surely it had to be the boy from the diner, who else would be texting her. Her two best friends were already in the room with her.

Alex spoke up quickly. “If you guys are going to the nest tonight you might want to leave now. They’ll be waking up soon and you want to ice most of them while they’re still asleep.”

This seemed to spur Sam and Dean into action and they hastily grabbed their jackets and weapons. Before Sam went out the door he dropped a kiss on her forehead.

“Thanks for understanding.”

She hoped her smile didn’t look too guilty as she nodded and waved from the doorway as they backed out and headed down the road in a cloud of dust.  

 

Alex jumped onto Dean’s bed and pulled out her phone.

_Is this the girl from the diner this morning?_

She smiled and began typing, **_Yup,_ ** She sent that one, and then, feeling a little risky and confident she sent another one. **_My brothers just left if you wanted to come over and maybe hang out?_ **

It was about a minute and half of agony waiting for him to reply. Maybe she had been too forward, immediately asking him over. Obviously that would imply something was going to happen. Alex started to regret leaving her number in the first place. This was going to end badly. Sam and Dean were going to come back from the hunt early and she was screwed. She didn’t even know this boy’s _name,_ and she was basically asking him to come over, to her motel room mind you, and have sex. Alex went to the bathroom and splashed some water on her hot and embarrassed face.

She looked in the mirror. “Stop worrying,” she told her reflection. “You need this. You need to have a rebellious phase. You’ve always listened to what everyone told you to do. First Dad, now Sam and Dean. Take control of you life and do something fun.”

Alex’s reflection just stared back at her with a very worried face and lucky for her, it didn’t start talking back to her.

Alex’s phone chimed on the bed and she ran to look at what he might had said.

_Haha, well don’t you at least want to get to know me first? ;)_

This is was flirt-y, wasn’t it? She hadn’t had a lot of practice with boys her age flirting with her. _She_ herself was good at it, easily. As long as she was using it to get something, like special records from a librarian. She could lie and charm her way around a police station, pretending to be a young FBI agent, but this? This was much different. It felt like he was playing with her instead of the other way around.

**_My name is Alex, what’s your name?_ **

He replied much quicker this time around. _I’m Austin. Where are you at?_

Alex smiled. No boy could resist a hook up, even if it was with a girl he didn’t know.

**_Blue Gables Motel. Room 221_ **

After she hit send the weight of what she was doing hit her full force. She jumped up off the bed and started pacing. And thinking. Her conscience was _screaming_ at her.

Which bed were they going to use or was it going to be a spontaneous thing where they just fell onto one? She really didn’t want to use either bed because her brothers would be crashing there in a few hours and Alex found that kinda gross. But they couldn’t just do it on the floor. Or could they? Maybe she could go downstairs and rent out another room for however long it took and then check out again. Should she shave her legs? She shaved them the night before, or wait was it the night before that? Was he going to bring condoms? Alex knew she didn’t have any and she really didn’t feel like digging through her brothers things to find one of theirs. What if she had to though? Would they know one was missing or were boys just that dumb? Wait how long would this take? Was Austin coming right now or was he going to wait a little while because the boys were approximately an hour outside of town, it would take at least 30 to 40 minutes to gank all the vamps and then an hour to drive back to the motel. Alex started to do the math in her head when a knock at the door interrupted her thoughts.

“What the hell.” Alex muttered. She looked at the clock on the nightstand in between the beds.

It definitely couldn’t be her brothers, and she had only texted Austin where she was no more than five minutes ago.

‘I guess he could live close, or drive really fast.’ Alex told herself, to explain how it was kinda strange. That gut feeling she had built up forever ago was going off, but she ignored the bad feeling in her stomach and attested it to nerves. Another knock, this one slightly louder came from the door and she realized her hand was on the doorknob, but she hadn’t opened the door just yet. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so new chapter! A few people left kudos so I thought I'd give the people what they wanted! (at least i hope). Originally this and chapter one were all combined into one chapter but I though breaking it up was a better choice. I might put them together and do some editing in the future. Hope you enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

‘God he’s even more gorgeous up close.’ Was the first thought Alex had. 

Austin smiled. “Hey,” He said coolly, and he stepped into the room. Something felt… off.

“I’ve actually thought about you all day.” He confessed to Alex when she shut the door. “I’m glad you texted me, I really wanted to do this.”

 

And then his eyes turned black. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose not to put a archive warning on the story itself so it could kind of be a twist so nobody knew but I feel bad not putting some kind of warning on this chapter so if sexual assault triggers you please do not read this chapter. It doesn't in detail describe rape but it is mentioned and implied.

Alex dove for Sam’s bag where the demon knife was hidden. She managed to drag the bag onto the floor and his clothes and a few various weapons spilled out. The demon knife nowhere to be found. 

Austin kicked at her lazily and she gasped when the air was knocked out of her lungs. He picked her up and threw her against the opposite wall and held her with his demonic powers. Her toes brushed the carpet feebly as she tried to kick out. Austin strolled up to her and wrapped one hand around her throat cutting off her breathing. Already lacking oxygen from the kick to the ribs, Alex’s vision started to swim. 

“Oh, this will be fun.” Austin hissed in her ear. And then she blacked out. 

 

When Alex awoke she was lying on the floor. She shivered as the chilliness from the cement floor seeped into her clothes. She struggled to sit up, she was sore and her ribs ached. She tested the handcuffs that locked her hands behind her back but they held tight. Alex twisted around and pulled her rope-bound legs into a more comfortable position. She looked around her and tried to get some sort of bearings. 

She was in the basement most likely, it was small and surprisingly not empty. The walls were lined with shelves with canned goods and boxes of family mementos. To Alex’s left, in another room just separated by a thin wall and a doorway were a few chairs a rug and a tv. To her immediate left were a big water heater and washer and dryer. In front of her was a wooden staircase leading up to the rest of the house. 

 

“You woke up sooner than I expected.” a voice came from a darkened corner behind her.

Alex watched as Austin walked out of the corner and squatted in front of her. He reached out for her face and Alex flinched back before his fingers could rest on her cheek. A nasty look immediately crossed Austin’s face and her head snapped to the right. Her cheek burned where he slapped her and tears welled up in her eyes. 

He twirled a piece of hair around his finger. “This boy I’m wearing was thinking about you a lot before I took him.” He continued to knot hair around his finger. “Some of them were dirty thoughts.” Austin chuckled. “So I guess both of us are getting what we want.”

He abruptly pulled his index finger out of her hair and she yelped. A sly smirk crossed his face at the noise. He got up and strode up the stairs two at a time.

Alex tried to regulate her erratic breathing. Sam and Dean were going to find her. They were looking for her and they were about to storm down those stairs to come and get her. Actually, she could hear their heavy boots on the stairs right now…

But neither of her brothers came down the stairs. Austin walked slowly towards her like he was relishing at the sight of her tied up and helpless. “Looks like we’re going to have to go with plan B since you woke up so fast.” 

He opened a bottle of water and threw the cap across the room. He dug around in his pocket and pulled out a white tablet he held it out between his index finger and his thumb like he was showing her and then dropped it in the top. Alex watched in horror as he put two fingers over the top of the bottle and he locked eyes with Alex as he shook it up. When he stopped, the water was still clear and the little white tablet was gone. 

Alex’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest when he squatted down in front of her again and offered her the bottle of water. Did he think that she was going to willingly take a drink of that water?? He moved the bottle closer to her mouth and Alex jerked her head away when it touched her lips. 

“Oh come on darling don’t make this hard on me.” He moved the bottle to where she had moved her face only to have her jerk her head to the other side. 

He grabbed her jaw and forced Alex to look at him. She tried to move away from him again and he held her tighter and growled. “Don’t,”

He forced open her jaw and squeezed the bottle so water filled Alex’s mouth and spilled over her chin and onto her chest. He then put a hand tight over her mouth and held her nose closed so she couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t giving her a choice. Alex was going to swallow the water in her mouth or she wasn’t going to breathe. 

Alex held her breath for as long as she could but she couldn’t take the pounding in her head any longer she had to swallow it or she was going to pass out. When she did Austin took his hands away from her mouth. Alex whimpered, the water he gave her tasted like nothing. 

He got up and sat on the second to last step and stared at her. For the first 5 minutes, nothing happened. The only noises around her were the settling of the house above her and her breathing. But then she started to feel dizzy. She was swaying where she was sitting like she was on a boat so she decided lying down would be the best. 

That was a mistake.

Austin was on her in a second. He grabbed her hands from her back and wrenched them to where he could unlock the handcuffs. She knew it hurt, or at least it should have hurt but she couldn’t feel anything. He then set to untying the rope on her legs. She tried to kick out at him but her legs weren’t cooperating. They felt like they had 50-pound weights on each of them. He crawled on top of her and began unbuttoning her shirt. He took it off and threw it aside and began unbuttoning her jeans. Alex pushed at chest and his hands and anywhere she could reach but he acted like she wasn’t even touching him maybe she wasn’t she thought she was yelling at him to stop she thought she was yelling for Sam for Dean for Castiel for her Dad for Bobby for “ _ somebody please help me” _ she could feel her lips moving but she couldn’t hear anything aside from the blood rushing in her ears it was loud it was drowning out the night she felt like she was drowning was she even breathing his mouth was on her neck his hands were roaming her up and down and up and down and up

“No, please stop!  _ Help me _ !” she screamed to the empty house above her, to the sleeping neighbors too far away and to her brothers who were just now arriving back at the motel room to find her gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there! all updated, hopefully i can write another chapter for next weekend too. comment and let me know if people are actually reading this!! xoxo  
> p.s. why do i feel like this looks so much nicer typed out on google docs? it feels weird on here  
> p.p.s. this isn't how i first imagined how this chapter would go but this is what came out when i started writing today, hope it sounds alright and its not too rushed, I've been working on this one a long time but just finished it today


	5. Chapter 5

“Alex?” Dean called to the empty motel room. He threw his jacket onto the couch and looked at Sam quizzically. Sam crossed over to the dark bathroom and flipped on the light. Nothing.   
“What the hell?” Sam murmured. Dean was now kneeling next to Sam’s bag, which had fallen off the chair it was sitting in. Clothes were spilled everywhere, strewn haphazardly like someone was searching through them. A few knives were lying around too. A crease between Sam’s eyebrows appeared as he looked around the room. _Where the hell was their sister?_  
Dean stood up quickly and strode over to the wall next to the bathroom; Sam’s eyes followed what his brother was looking at. There was a dent in the drywall, about the height of Dean like someone was thrown against it and knocked their head.   
“Dammit!” Dean snarled and they both ran back out the car. Dean tore out of the gravel parking lot and towards the street.   
“Which way?” He demanded. Sam who immediately started tracking her phone when he got in the car answered simultaneously.   
“Right,” Dean pulled out in front of a car that honked but the noise was lost in the roar of the engine as Dean gunned it.   
“She’s on Cedar Street, turn left,” he paused, “here.”  
The Impala screeched around the corner and dust flew up behind them. Ten minutes passed, then it was twenty before Sam told Dean to stop. In the headlights was an ordinary looking house. No lights were on, and there was no other indication that anyone was there.   
“Here?” Dean asked doubtfully.  
Sam nodded, “Here.”  
“Did she fucking walk?” Dean muttered angrily. They both drew their pistols, as they walked towards the house. Without the Impala’s headlights the house was much eerier. The screen door opened and shut noisily. Sam and Dean looked at each other sideways before Dean kicked in the door.   
The stench of bodies instantly hit them full force. Sam tucked his face into his shoulder to keep from dry-heaving and Dean covered his nose and mouth.   
“What the fuck?” Sam sputtered. In a easy chair across the room was a man’s body. He was dressed like he just got home from work a couple hours ago. His throat had be slashed, and his skin was grey. Flies were buzzing around the room; he’d been here for a while.   
They were on high-alert now, if they weren’t on high-alert before. There was no way Alex would run off in the first place, but it was unthinkable that she would come here unless she thought someone was in trouble.   
Dean went towards the kitchen and Sam took the dining room. Every step he made the cabinet against the wall shook and the china and glass inside chimed. The table was already set for three people but a thin layer of dust covered the plates and silverware. Dean pushed open the adjoining door and motioned for Sam to follow him.   
A fresh wave of stink leapt at his nostrils and he wrinkled his nose. On the floor lay a woman in a pool of blood, also with her throat cut. Rotting food was scattered around the kitchen like she was making dinner at the time of her murder. He and Dean glanced at each other and then cautiously approached the basement door.   
Dean went first slowly down the wooden staircase, with his gun out. They creaked with step, when he reached the landing he stopped and looked at the ground then proceeded to throw caution to the wind and run down the rest of them, sputtering “Oh shit,”. Sam tripped down the stairs after his brother, worried because Dean _didn’t_ sputter, he was too confident for that.   
Alex was lying on her back on the concrete floor. Dean stood speechless, staring at her. She was clothed, thank God, but they looked thrown on. Like someone had ripped the clothes off of her and carelessly put them back on. Her shirt was buttoned wrong and ripped and pulled up so it exposed most of her stomach. Her jeans were unbuttoned and her lace underwear was visible. Sam unknowingly moved forward and fell to his knees beside her. Her lip was split and bleeding and her left cheek was black and blue. Underneath her eyelids her eyes moved rapidly back and forth. Sam touched her face, her pulse was beating rapidly under her skin but her breathing was shallow.   
“Dean, fuck we gotta get her out of here.” Sam didn’t hear a reply or any movement behind him, so he turned around and faced him. “Dean! Come on.”   
He spurred into action. Sam slid one arm under Alex’s knees and the other around her back and lifted her up. Alex groaned at the movement but didn’t appear to be waking up. Sam and Dean rushed up the stairs and through the house as quickly as possible without jostling Alex’s head against Sam’s shoulder too much. Dean opened the back door to the Impala for him and he slid in as carefully as he could with Alex in his arms. His long legs were packed into the small back seat but he ignored the cramping in his knees. Alex was stirring.   
Dean whipped the car around in their driveway and sped down the two lane gravel road, to take them back to the motel.   
“Sam?”  
Dean looked back when she spoke. Sam held her head in his lap and he pushed the tangled hair out her face lovingly. “Hey! Yeah it’s me.” Her eyes were slits as she looked around at her surroundings. He had never seen his sister so rattled.   
“OhmyGod.” She mumbled. She held her head like that effort took all of her already dwindling energy. “Oh my God Sammy, what the fuck did he do to me.” she sobbed. Sam pursed his lips and held Alex closer as she whimpered into his shirt. He was suddenly reminded of the last time his sister ever cried this hard. She was six and had just fallen off the top of the slide at a playground in Charlottesville and broke her arm in two places. She cried and cried and cried in Dean’s arms until finally they took her to the ER. She didn’t even cry like this when their Dad died.. Sam felt warm tears roll down his cheeks.   
Dean turned around again. His eyes locked with his younger brother’s and Sam saw there were tears in his eyes too. She was breaking their hearts, and they were both thinking the same thing, it would have been easier if he had tortured her, killed her even. She was going to suffer with this for the rest of her life. Of all the things that could happen to a hunter, of all the maladies to come from this job, this torment was the one she was going to have to face? Couldn’t a scarred face or a broken leg suffice for this demon? She was never going to forget this, she was never going to be the same ever again.  
Sam stroked her hair. “Everything is going to be alright. Shh, it’s okay.” Alex held onto him even tighter.   
“Oh God, it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like! I don't know how I feel about this chapter, it's not exactly how I envisioned it so I'm at little disappointed? But also I think it's the best I could do, you can't always write exactly what's in your head. :)


	6. Chapter 6

Alex’s body was very achy. Her head was pounding like that one time she snuck a beer when she was 13 from her dad’s cooler and woke up hungover. She finally rolled over on her side and peeled her eyes open. She sat up and let her feet hang off the side of the bed. No one else was in the room, only her. She sat there for a few minutes just resting her head in her hands, and letting the lightheadedness and nausea roll through her body.   
What happened last night?  
Alex slid out of the bed, and waddled to the bathroom. Everything hurt, and when she said everything she meant everything. When she looked up, what she saw in the mirror shocked her. Her left cheek was black and blue, and her lip was split. There were two butterfly bandaids holding closed a gash on her forehead.   
‘Where the hell did all these injuries come from?’ She wondered. ‘Sam and Dean didn’t let me go hunting last night… at least I don’t think they did.’  
She didn’t recall anything from the day before. She vaguely remembered going to a diner yesterday morning but she didn’t remember if she ate anything or even what the place was called. Everything after that was extremely foggy. Like she remembered going through the motions but she couldn’t think of what exactly she had been doing.   
Alex took a deep breath, hoping to calm herself but it was a grave mistake. She was nearly knocked to the floor with pain. She wrapped her arms around herself and gasped to catch her breath; she struggled to stand up straight again. Alex lifted her shirt and looked in the mirror. She groaned just looking at them, more bruises went down her side, like she was kicked a few times in the ribs. Below that even more bruises peeked out from beneath her jeans. Confused, she pulled down the waistband of her jean and, yes, there was the rest of it. A handprint, where someone grabbed her so hard they left their mark. On her other hip, another hand to match.   
A flash of memories overcame her and she leaned hard against the sink. Lots of darkness, the cold floor, a creepy laugh, and him grabbing her hard like she was nothing, like she was a piece of property, not another human being.   
‘Except he wasn’t human, he was a demon.’ she thought.   
She dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and started retching, but nothing came up.  
‘So I haven’t eaten.’ she thought to herself. When she was done gagging, she sat on the floor and leaned her back against the bathtub. She was covered in a cold sweat and she shivered as the AC blew on her from above.   
It might have been minutes or hours that she sat on the cold bathroom floor staring at the ugly flower printed wallpaper in front of her, but when she could no longer take the flowing floral pattern and the bright yellows and pinks that most definitely did not reflect her feelings at the moment, she got up. Her knees popped as she stood and the noise that usually made her laugh, because her joints were that of a old woman, only made her sad. Her reflection only made her sadder.   
She was pale and drawn. She looked extremely tired. And as all her body parts throbbed in pain she felt disgusted. Disgusted with herself and with her situation. Disgusted at what she had done to herself and disgusted with her reflection. This was all her fault, she did this to herself. She invited him over, she let him take advantage of her. She dropped her guard and the only person she could be mad at was herself. She hated how she felt. She hated herself.   
“You dumb little girl.” she whispered into the mirror. Tear flooded her eyes be she blinked them away and let them fall down her cheeks. “You let him take something so important from you. And now look at you, you’re ruined. You can barely look at yourself, how are you going to look at Sam and Dean?”  
Before Alex knew what she was doing she smashed her hand into the mirror in front of her causing it to shatter and rain down over her arm and into the sink below. She slouched against the wall; she didn’t expect that to happen. Alex watched her dark blood pool in her palm and then run over the sides of her hand. She hadn’t even hit the mirror with her fist, she had just smacked at it with the heel of her hand, she hadn’t really meant to break it. At least she didn’t think she meant to. She had blacked out for a second, a red glare had flit across her vision and all she really wanted to do was hit herself. A moment later both of her brothers rushed in the bathroom door way behind her. In the few pieces of mirror left hanging on the wall they shared looks.   
Dean looked angry. Alex didn’t think that anger was directed at her for breaking in the mirror though, or even what happened last night. He looked like she felt, like he hated himself for what happened.   
Sam looked sad. He always had this puppy dog look in his eyes when something sad happened. Where his eyebrows furrowed together and his lips pouted a little bit, it was weird to have that look directed at her. He pitied her.   
Dean’s jaw flexed and he muttered something incoherent before stomping away and out of the motel room. In the silence between her and Sam she could hear the Impala’s engine rev and squeal out of the parking lot.   
Alex turned around and watched the blood drip from her hand. She wrapped her other hand around her injured one and tried to catch the blood.   
“God, I’m really sorry.” she croaked. She didn’t know what she was apologizing for.  
Sam took her wrist gently which forced her to look him directly in the eyes, like he was asking permission whether it was okay or not. She didn’t pull away.   
She had never felt smaller next to her giant of a brother, not even when she was a child and he was already an adult not as she did when he led her back to the beds.  
He made her sit on the edge of one of the beds and he pulled one of the bedside trash cans next to him. He grabbed his bag from the end of the other bed where he was seated and pulled out the first aid kit one of them always carried with them. He grabbed the pair of tweezers and held her hand gently in his as he began to wiggle the one big piece of glass in her hand. So she began to talk. Alex already was talkative but she was even more chatty when she was in an uncomfortable situation. She talked about everything. She talked about what she did at the diner and why she did it. She talked about how she felt when her brothers were overprotective. If Sam disapproved he didn’t show it. He just kept his head down and began stitching the deepest gash in her hand. She also talked about things that had nothing to do with what happened, she just said them to say something because if her brain was working on talking, it wasn’t working on thinking. It wasn’t thinking about what happened or the pain of the needle jabbing her hand. Each new subject just led her to another one. Before she knew it Sam was done and wrapping her palm in gauze. She couldn’t look him in the eyes as she began a new story. Not like she needed to avoid his eyes because he was already doing his best to evade her gaze as well. Nonetheless he listened even as he walked away and began picking up glass out of the sink.   
“I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t say no. I couldn’t even push him away.” her voice was thick with unshed tears.   
“You remember everything?” he asked. He didn’t sound surprised. He just sounded somber.   
Alex shrugged though his back was to her. “Everything and nothing, all at the same time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally up! I've been struggling with how to write this. Actually, I think there might only be maybe 2 or maybe even 1 long chapter after this! Anywho, I'm freaking out about the election rn, so I had to do something to get my mind off of the anxiety so i finished this. Hope you like it!!


	7. Chapter 7

Alex was in a fitful sleep. If you could even call it sleep. She tossed and turned with the new images that filled her brain. Some she was sure were old memories. They were of her and her brothers when they were all younger before hunting took Dean away and college took Sammy. Others were things that she knew she had made up to comfort herself from the trauma; like Christmases with her brothers and Dad, with a tree and presents and lights and everything. That definitely never happened.  
At one point she woke, sweating, from another nightmare. The room was mostly dark save for a light on to her left. She peeked her eyes open and saw her brothers sitting on the couch near the door, Dean perched on the arm of it and Sam on the seat.  
They were facing each other and talking in hushed whispers. There were at least two beer cans in front of either of them, but there was still a cool breeze in the room from the door like Dean had just gotten back from wherever he had gone earlier.  
“Dean, you saw what she looked like when we got there. He did something to her.”  
“God, no. You really don’t think he..” Dean sat back with an astonished look on his face.  
Sam nodded ominously. “Dean, we don’t even know if he… used anything. God, she could be…”  
“No, no, hell no.” Dean said loudly. Sam gave him a look and nodded his head in your direction. He quieted his voice. “I am not,” he pointed directly in Sam’s face, “having a conversation about my kid sister being pregnant. Jesus.” he threw his hands up, stood up and walked away, rubbing his face with his hands.  
She closed her eyes again, trying to find a good time to ‘wake up’. The whispering seemed to cease and typing on a computer filled the silence. A few more incoherent words were exchanged and the door opened and closed again. She peeked her eyes open again and found only Dean sitting on the couch.  
She sat up quietly and looked around the room for a second. The lights were dim outside, and her internal clock told her it was probably late afternoon or early evening.  
“Hey, you’re up.” Dean said, he looked at her and shut the computer lid halfway.  
“When are we going home?” she asked.  
“Uh,” he pointed his thumb to the closed door. “As soon as Sam gets back we can. He went to go get some food.” Dean scratched the back of his neck.  
“Great, I’m starving.”  
She actually wasn't. The thought of eating made her sick but she wasn’t going to say that. She ran her hand through her hair and was disgusted by the greasiness.  
“I’m gonna take a shower.” she said  
She pushed the heavy comforter off her legs and stood up. Dean stood up suddenly like he wanted to do something, to say something but the words wouldn’t form. Alex looked in his direction mimicking his own awkwardness and then grabbed her bag and walked into the bathroom without another glance.  
After she shut the door she leaned heavily against it. She was bruised, for sure, all over down there so walking even from the bed to the bathroom hurt. She quietly locked the door behind her, which was not something she usually thought about. Alex always locked the door behind her and never thought about it before. Her and her family basically had no privacy and her brothers barging into the bathroom accidentally was all too common. There was nothing to even think about on it and yet the idea of Dean hearing her lock the door behind her felt like she was betraying them somehow; with the click of the button. What if they needed in here? What if something happened to her, and she did something to herself and she needed help? She was embarrassed.  
Alex turned on the faucet and sat on the edge of the tub waiting for the water to warm.  
‘You’re just overthinking now.’ She told herself.  
“Why the hell are you worried about a fucking lock on the door?” She whispered to herself. She undressed and forced herself not to look in the mirror or down at herself.  
‘Not until we get back to the bunker,’ she thought to herself, ‘Then you can look at the bruises all you want in your own room, and it doesn’t matter if you start crying because you won’t have to look at your brothers if you don’t want to.’  
She stood under the hot water lathering her hair. It took her three washes to get her hair clean. It took her seven to feel like her body was washed adequately. And even then she could still feel his lips on her throat, and his hands on her thighs and his breath in her mouth-  
She flipped the faucet off and stepped out of the tub and into a big white towel. It wasn’t soft but it was warm. She chuckled as she dried off. White is such a clean color, and she was not a clean person. She half expected the towel to come away black, but when she looked at it, the towel was still white, wet, but the same color it was before.  
Alex wrapped the towel around herself and knelt down to find some clean clothes. She rummaged around and grabbed a clean shirt and pair of jeans, and after looking through all the pockets she found another pair of underwear. She started shoving the dirty clothes back into the back, and reminded herself to burn them when she got back-- when she grabbed her old underwear she stopped cold. They were covered in dried blood. It was like she had started her period, but she knew she was nowhere near close..  
With a shaking hand she shoved them all the way to the bottom of the duffel bag and began getting dressed. She would not throw up, she would not throw up. They were a pair of cute light blue underwear with lace at the top. She had bought themone day when Charlie showed up and surprised her. She insisted on a girls day, regardless of what they would do she said Alex “needed to get away from the sausage fest” and that was all she needed to hear. So they traveled to the nearest town with a mall and binge shopped. She came back to the bunker loaded down with clothes bought with someone else's money and was never happier. She could never wear them again.  
She zipped the bag shut and closed her eyes before standing up ready to face her brothers. This would be the first time they would all be in a room together.  
They would not sit down and talk. She would not even think about it. She was going to go out there like she didn’t know a thing and act like nothing happened.  
Alex was going to save them the embarrassment of having to even approach the topic, it would never happen. Never.  
She unlocked the door and walked out. She dropped the bag and ruffled the towel through her hair trying to dry it. They both looked at her when she came out.  
Sad eyes.  
Nope.  
She threw the wet towel on the bed. She sat down and started tying her shoes. She could feel their eyes boring into her face. The uncomfortableness in the room was palpable.  
She turned to them with effortless looking smile (something that took much effort for her to accomplish), and opened her mouth to speak. Alex could practically hear the breaths they drew in and held.  
“I cannot wait to sleep in my own bed.”  
A smile drifted onto Sam’s face as he let out that breath he was holding and he looked at Dean, relieved. Dean seemed to do the same and nodded his head at Alex.  
“Me too, Lex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to end this very open, so you can have your own thoughts on the ending if you choose to. I also put in some internal conflicts with Alex. I've never been raped so I don't know how victims think, but I'm going to assume victims have horrible thoughts racing through their minds. Maybe I captured some of it, maybe not, if I didn't I'm sorry. I wasn't planning on writing anymore to this, but if I find motivation to write more to it later on I might. Look out for other fics, I'm sad to see this end, but I have so many other ideas. Thanks for reading!!


	8. Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has a lil heart to heart with Sammy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely HATE how this seemed so long when I wrote it on google docs and its actually not that long... :)  
> Dean's will be up soon

It’s been months since what happened, happened. Alex has found it easier to be around her brothers since that night. She doesn’t shy away from their touches or when they look her in the eye. Sometimes it’s still hard to look in the mirror; she bares not only emotional and mental scars from the incident but a scar on her forehead where he had bashed her head into the concrete of the basement. She tries to act normal though. As normal as she can. 

Some days it feels like she can’t physically get out of bed to do anything. But she knows she has to. To her, giving up would be the ultimate win for the demon, he had taken so much; her virginity, her safety, he wasn’t going to take her life too. He had left her alive for one reason, to make her suffer, she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction, of suffering completely that is.

On one particularly rough night she rolled over in her sleep for possibly the hundredth time. She finally sat up, and succumbed to the fact that she just wasn’t going to sleep tonight. Alex had taken to keeping a diary to record her innermost thoughts. It was particularly helpful in the first couple weeks to vent to the only thing she was willing to vent to, a pen and paper. There were tons of old journals never written in left by the Men of Letters, so she grabbed one. 

She grabbed her brown leather journal and the closest pen. 

 

_ Tonight I’m having an internal struggle. Wait, when aren’t I.. Let’s start over. Tonight on another segment of “Dealing with things badly with Alex Winchester” we talk about how to tell her brothers for the 57th time. Fuck if I know, but I can’t get rid of the idea that somehow I should let them know what actually happened, that I  _ remember _ said event and it’s not just a blur, and that I probably won’t be killing myself just yet, so they don’t need to worry.  _

_ But here’s the dilemma, what if they aren’t worried? What if they really do believe I don’t remember anything? What if by bringing it up I do start worrying them? I know when Sam was fixing my hand up after I hit the mirror I said I remembered some stuff, but what if he forgot I told him that? Or thought I was delirious, I mean I  _ had _ just black out a bit and broke a mirror. I don’t want to put anything more on their plates because at the current moment I feel alright.  _

_ I don’t know what to do.  _

_ Sam is going to flip, he’ll follow me around for days asking me if I’m okay.  _ _ He’ll pity me _ _.  I feel like I’ll never get another moment truly alone because he’ll always be looking over my shoulder, waiting for me to do  _ something _ that shows I’m not alright anymore, and we both know I have bad days like that.  _

_ Dean will flip even harder. He’ll never look me in the eyes again. I think he’ll be disappointed; in me, in Sam, in himself. He’ll hate all of us and everything in the world. I don’t want that. He’s happy right now, I don’t want to ruin his happiness with my problems. He’s always going to wonder if I’ll falter on a job because I have something other on my mind, (which I would never put them in danger like that) but he will.  _

_ My biggest issue is that I think they will treat me different. Like they won’t act like my brothers anymore. I’ve just gotten used to enjoying their hugs again, I don’t want that to stop. I don’t need to be treated like glass, if I am I’m more likely to break. Hell, yesterday Dean yelled at me and I didn’t even falter, I just yelled back and that was that. A couple months ago I might have crumbled. I don’t want things to go back how they were where I was afraid I was going to start crying all the time, or when I was scared. I think I’ve gotten better. Maybe this is as good as it will get, if that is, then I am happy. It’s better than any alternative. I’ll sleep on it. Maybe.  _

 

She did in fact sleep on it. Alex woke up later than usual and smiled to herself as she rubbed her sleepy eyes. She pulled her body out of bed and stretched before going to the bathroom and splashing her face with some water. She walked back to her room and saw the journal lying open on her covers. She glanced at the picture on her nightstand. A picture she forced her brothers to take at Bobby’s house a few years ago. She picked it up and studied it. This was a candid of them, taken moments after the ‘real’ picture was taken, which was taped to her wall with countless others. But it could never compete with this one. All three were smiling genuinely mostly because Dean had made a stupid joke. She was laughing out loud while he looked pleased with himself. Sam was looking up to the sky, laughing only at the way Alex was cracking up and probably wondering what he did to get put in a family with them two. 

She set the picture back down and began rubbing a headache that was forming. Something needed to be done. 

Alex found Sam in the library, reading alone. She smiled and sat down across from him. He set down the book, like he knew she needed to talk. 

“I need to tell you something.” Sam furrowed his brows but nodded. 

She found it hard to speak and she wished she could just leave the room and act like she hadn’t initiated the conversation at all. She twisted her hands on the table and fingered the scar on her right hand. “You know that thing that happened a few months ago?”

“Oh fuck.” He put his head in his hands. “You’re pre - “

“ _ God _ no.” She practically screamed. Now her head was in her hands. Alex definitely went about this completely wrong. 

She peeked through her fingers at the face of an extremely relieved brother, and began laughing. She was fucking laughing. 

“Okay, jesus. I’m sorry.” She pulled her hands away from her face. She tried pulling a serious face. 

“I know I told you some stuff, but we haven’t talked since then.” Sam was looking intensely at her but it was hard to meet his eyes so Alex settled for his eyebrows which stayed tense the whole time. 

“I think where I was going with this was to tell you that I’m doing alright. Sometimes I notice you look at me funny when I don’t act like myself, like you want to say something.” Now she chose to look into his eyes, his green ones had started to fill with tears. Per usual, her green eyes followed but she refused to let any of them fall. 

“You don’t  _ have _ to say anything, or you can if you want to. I’ll always talk to you. But I wanted to let you know that I’m doing fine.  At least I think so. I didn’t want you worrying about me. Sometimes I have bad days but I haven’t really wanted to die lately.”

She had meant it only partially as a joke, but Sam didn’t take it that way. He gasped a little when she said it. 

“Wait, you wanted to kill yourself?” He whispered. 

Alex swallowed thickly and a tear dripped down her cheek. She looked away, embarrassed. 

“Like I said, not lately. Sometimes I do, but you and Dean make it more worth it to live.”

Sam was up, out of his chair and around the table to hug her in a second. They stood there hugging. Alex had her head buried in his chest and she was just focusing on not making sobbing noises. She kept her hands fisted in his shirt, lucky to be alive to hug her brother like this again. That thought send a new wave of tears. She was shaking. 

“You know I would do anything to make that son of a bitch pay for what he did to you.” Sam said, his voice cracking. 

“I think the best payback is being happy and alive.” She pulled back from her brothers hug to find him also crying. “Until we can kill him of course.”


	9. Dean

Telling Dean was harder. It took a few days and some last minute convincing from Sam to talk to him. She picked a time when he was in the garage with Baby. She thought it best to be away from the bunker; more in his atmosphere.  
Alex walked in while he was washing the Impala. She stared at the muscles in his back working and flexing as he washed the hood before she spoke up. He looked tense already.  
“I’ll help.” she offered.  
Dean turned around and looked at her with narrowed eyes. “What do you want?”  
“To spend time with my oldest brother. Not everything has a motive, I’m just trying to be nice.” she quipped. She jumped down the stairs and picked up another sponge.  
Dean gave her a look and turned up the music. 

Alex learned early in life that everything with Dean always had to take longer than needed. He liked messing around. It took them almost two hours to finish washing the car because Dean found it hilarious to spray Alex with the hose. So she threw the bucket of sudsy water on him. When they did eventually finish and Baby was shiny and clean as ever, they sat on the ground and leaned against the grill of the car. Alex would have liked to have been sitting in the car, but Dean claimed they were both “too wet”. In the open space of the garage she felt vulnerable.  
“So what are you really doing here?” He asked. His voice echoed though he spoke softly.  
“I wanted to talk.”  
Dean stayed silent waiting for her to speak. “I wanted to tell you what happened a few months ago.” Hoping to avoid the conclusions that Sam had immediately jumped to, she spoke quicker with less pauses.  
“I’m sure you’ve figured it out or Sam told you about what happened, but - “  
Dean turned his face away from her and began playing with the rag in his hands. “Don’t.”  
Alex was a little flabbergasted to say the least. “Wait, what?” she asked.  
He stood up like he needed to keep distance between them. “I don’t want to hear any of this. I don’t want to hear about my little sister getting violated by some demon!”  
She stood up too, no longer able to contain her anger “I’m trying to open up to you about the scariest moment of my life and you won’t have it? What the hell is wrong with you?”  
He stayed silent and they stared at each other. Green eyes met green eyes. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Dean could be so infuriating.  
“Just stop.” He whispered. “I don’t want to listen to you because that was the scariest moment of my life too. Seeing you lying there on the floor...” He was getting choked up.  
“I thought you were dead, Lex. You looked dead. And after we figured out what had happened; I wished you were dead because then at least you wouldn’t have to carry this weight with you!”  
“I wished I was dead too!” Alex yelled.  
Dean closed his eyes and dragged a hand down his face. “Oh come on kid…”  
She looked down ashamed at admitting that to her strong older brother. “But I don’t anymore and that’s why I’m telling you. I was afraid at one point that I was going to snap and you were never let me hunt again or I don’t even know what. But I know now that I’m okay, and I figured you should know too. I’m better at everything now that I’ve realized I’m not invincible.”  
Dean pulled her into a tight hug that she was not expecting. A tight hug.  
One that said exactly this: “I love you and I never want to let you go.”

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's that! I know some people have been in my inbox asking for Dean's chapter and I'm sorry it took a while to get up. I kind of fell out of touch with this fic. I know it's short, but I tend to do that a lot. Short and to the point chapters. I don't like all the extras and unnecessary stuff to make it longer.
> 
> I love writing them so should I keep writing sis!winchester fics? Don't forget to leave kudos!


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